Assertiveness: Dealing With Difficult People
There are times in everyone’s life where we must interact with people that are difficult to get along with, whether in personal relationships or in our professional lives. Dealing with difficult people in a way that not only displays self-confidence and respect for our own needs and personal boundaries, but also respects the wishes and rights of others is what assertiveness is all about.
Examples of Aggressive and Assertive Communication Styles
There are occasions in our office where a patient (usually a brand new patient), is rather gruff and rude in how they attempt to communicate with me at the front desk, not realizing or caring that I am the Office Manager in charge of the efficient running of the office, as well as the doctor‘s chair-side assistant.
Sometimes they will complain to me about the extensive health history forms they must fill out as a new patient, rudely asking if I “want their blood type and serial number too?“, along with complaints about the HIPAA consent forms that we must keep in each patients chart. Some patients call to respectfully ask about things to consider when choosing dental insurance, while others go so far as to call with demands that I find affordable dental insurance FOR them!
On other occasions, some patients will actually blame me for their missing an appointment, claiming that I did not call and remind them the day prior to their appointment. Being assertive, I respectfully request the patient go back and check their voice-mail messages where, low and behold….there is my reminder message.
Using assertive techniques, I explain to the patient that appointment reminder calls are provided as a courtesy for our patients (and are not a requirement), and that it is up to each patient to do whatever is necessary to remember and show up for their scheduled appointments, and on time. More often than not, these patients immediately begin to “back peddle” in their tone of voice, but rarely take the time to apologize for being so aggressive towards me.
It often amazes me just how rude some people are, aggressively demanding an appointment where there is no open time slot, and are none too happy when I kindly suggest another day and time. Other times patients will call asking to speak with the doctor about a question or problem they are having, and don’t appreciate my saying “the doctor is with a patient right now, perhaps I can help you?”, sometimes being so rude as to hang up the phone without saying another word.
How To Be Assertive Without Being Aggressive
Fortunately, the doctor does not take kindly to patients speaking and acting with rude and aggressive behavior towards him or his staff. Each and every time a patient behaves this way towards him or any member of his staff, we immediately take assertive action to rectify the situation in a manner that shows respect for the rights and self esteem of the patient, but also upholds our own personal right to be treated equally and with respect.
Sometimes he personally handles these situations, directly speaking with patients who are rude and abusive towards his staff, but more often than not I am entrusted with this responsibility as his Office Manager. On most occasions, using a variety of assertive techniques learned over the years has proven to be very effective in completely eliminating these problems.
On rare occasions, the doctor or I have found it necessary to dismiss a patient from the dental practice entirely, due to their continued abusive and rude behaviors, providing them a copy of their patient chart and x-rays while they try to find a dentist to care for their dental needs.
Have you experienced the difficulties that go with dealing with difficult people? Do you sometimes find it difficult to be assertive in your personal and professional roles? What steps have you taken in your office to ensure everyone is treated equally and with respect?
My office is my house, my staff are my family. You disrespect my house or my family, you get the boot. It’s that simple. If someone arrived on your doorstep and behaved this way, would you try to work with them to calm them down?
Aggressive behaviour, whether passive or overt is intolerable to me in any environment–work or not. It is an immature form of communication that compensates for shortcomings in the individual’s intellectual or psychological workings.
Dentistry is stressful enough without this added problem.
Ain’t that the truth?!
It’s unfortunate that I’ve come across a number of people in dentistry that don’t feel that way at all, basically bowing down and kissing the feet of patients, figuring patients pay good money to have their work done and are willing to tolerate just about anything from them.
I recently heard of a dentist who humiliated a temp in front of patients and staff, forcing her to get down on her hands and knees begging to keep her job. She actually did it! I was floored! There is NO WAY I would allow anyone to treat me that way, not even my own boss. Life is too short to put up with such nonsense, and there are too many quality dentists out there to work for to be in such a situation.
You’re right when you say that staff is like family, and it should be that way. My boss is the one who walked me down the aisle a few years ago when I got married, because he’s not only my boss, but he’s also become a very good friend of mine over the years. He’s almost like a cousin to me, although we maintain our professional boundaries in the office.
Treating others with respect should be the minimum expected in any office, and those who don’t adhere to those standards get booted out.
And there are also the dentists that throw instruments at their assistants…